Finding True Love Through Friendship

I made my “Sex and the City” dreams come true but instead of love, I found my own Charlotte, Samantha, and Miranda.

When I first moved to New York City, I binged watched “Sex and the City”. I was enamored with the idea of all the magical — and heavily populated — corners of this city, and the idea of meeting a handsome man on the subway, in Central Park, or in a coffee shop. But it was after going through a painful breakup, being laid off from my dream magazine, and spending nights alone in my overpriced apartment that I realized that my “Sex and the City” dreams had been wrong all this time. I was not in the right stage of my life to find myself a Brady, a Mr. Big, a Harry, or a Smith, like Miranda, Carrie, Charlotte, and Samantha. In disguise, my “Sex and the City” dreams focused on finding my girl crew.

During different stages of my life, I was positive that the women I called best friends would be the ones to accompany me on my wedding day, be there for the birth of my first child, hold me as I cried over a parent’s death, and be there as we grew older. But circumstances, distances, and life just pulled us away so easily that I got used to being alone or surrounded by one or two faithful friends. However, it was when I made the permanent move to New York City that I discovered the real friends that life had in store for me. These were the kind of friends that called me the second they found out I had been broken up with, who sent me flowers when I was laid off, and who’d invite me to come over so I wouldn’t wallow in my own self-misery.

And this is why you should get yourself a crew of really good friends before focusing on any other person in life:

Mental Health

In this day and age, mental health is no longer a taboo topic as it was before. We all go through times in our lives where it feels like our whole world is crumbling down. Don’t surround yourself with people who will judge you because you feel a certain way, or because they think you’re making a bigger deal out of something than it really is. A real friend will understand that although your problem may not be the end of the world, it is still important to your world. Get some friends who will understand that sometimes you’re just not happy, or you’re going through a tough time, no matter the reason. Boy problems? No problem. Work problems? No problem. Family problems? No problem.

Sexuality

Who wants to surround themselves with people who will judge them no matter their choices? Not this gal. Just like the girls didn’t judge Samantha for being with various men throughout the week, your friends shouldn’t judge you for doing the same (safely) or abstaining from sexual activity altogether. Are you exploring your sexuality just like Kat did in “The Bold Type?” It shouldn’t be a problem for your friends. They should be supportive and behave like this is a totally normal situation, because it is. Are you trying to explore some options in your intimate life? Be with people who will cheer you on.

Physical Health

Who else are you going to ask to take you to the E.R. when you break out in hives because you’re allergic to their cat? Or who else is going to hold your hand as you probably hear the worst news of your life? In “Sex and the City,” Samantha’s friends were there for her when she had breast cancer. While in “The Bold Type,” Jane’s friends held her hand when she received news about her genetic mutation that impacted her fertility. Who else could possibly understand the thoughts that go through your head when you have to go to chemo, or when the tension from work is making you physically sick? Although it’s easier to be open about our body’s health, sometimes we want to confide in a friend and no one else. Get you some friends who will send you chicken noodle soup on Seamless because you’re too sick to even leave your bed.

Partners

Some people dish it all to their partners, others have separate conversations with their girls. If you need to complain and whine about your partner spending their every waking moment stuck to the TV, you’ll always have friends that will be there to take you out for some ice cream. I’m not saying that your friends should butt into your relationship, but they should be your outlet. Especially when you feel suffocated or when you wonder if certain behavior is normal or simply outrageous. They’ll also be honest and frank with you when you’re unsure about your emotions.

So this Valentine’s Day, pop the champagne and bake some brownies because you won’t be spending it alone. Spend some time with your girls. Appreciate the fact that you have them, and you all can clink glasses together as you say cheers to your friendship. Appreciate that you can call them at any time, whether it’s at three in the afternoon or two in the morning. Appreciate that you can talk to them about EVERYTHING without fear of judgment because some topics just require their opinion. Most importantly, it’s your girls that will have your back, always hear you out, and hold you through the tough times.

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Sophia Caraballo is a Puerto Rican digital journalist based in New York City. She's obsessed with beauty, skincare, wellness, and binge-watching shows. Some of her bylines include Shape.com, Bustle.com, and InStyle.com

Site: sophiacaraballo.weebly.com

Instagram:  @sophi_caraballo

Sophia Melissa Caraballo